Just finished watching the stuff about zombies on Olbermann, and it's lead me to wonder: has there ever been a movie made, where people are pretending to be zombies—you know, a halloween party, a parade, random 'hey, let's have a zombie party and pretend to each each other's brains?'—only for real zombies to infiltrate said get together, and you know, eat people's brains? If there is a movie like that, I'd totally watch it—with my hands over my eyes, of course. I hate gore.

Speaking of which, I've had two zombie related dreams, and every time I wake up when one of them is about to take a chunk out of my arm. In the first one, I was shopping in Wegmans, doing a fine job of dodging the real ones (apparently, shopping for my groceries took priority over getting the hell out of the store), only to freak out when I realized my cashier had turned into one.

I can't remember the second one now (bad memory), but I really hope my dreams aren't a foreshadowing of what's to come, because if they are, we should all build underground bunkers and stock up on canned food NOW.

I apologize for the length of my last entry, but honestly, I've been redoing my LJ layout for the past week (little tweaks here and there) and I wanted to update, just so I could see how a new entry looked.

Also, Diet Coke changed the shape of their 2-liter bottles! Not only are they shaped like the old-fashioned glass bottles, but they're taller as well, and now they don't fit in my refrigerator door shelf. This is incredibly vexing, since I have to tip it sideways, so it fits into the door. And yet, the awkward shape still manages to pop out the bar that holds everything in, causing all the condiments to fall onto the floor, and scare the shit out of everyone at 2 am, when I'm creeping around the kitchen for a snack. Fucking shit, I tell you.

While I was opening my bedroom window this morning, I somehow hurt my back. The damn thing has a tendency to stick, and when I yanked it up, I somehow twisted my torso while doing so. So I took some Excedrins (which has been my miracle drug for years), and after about six hours, the pain started coming back.

This is where my stupidity blooms into full display:( random discoveries about Excedrin pills that no one cares about except for me )

Also, did you know that the Free Credit Report guy isn't really singing in those commercials? He's LIP SYNCHING the lyrics! And he's FRENCH (Canadian)! It's like, stop it already, you're breaking my heart. I think everyone already knew this, except for myself, which only makes me angrier.

I forgot to mention this, but a few months ago, I bought the new(ish) Fred Astaire biography, and found out he was a Republican. And while that's not exactly the kind of thing that gets me down (because I know a few Republicans and they're not all crazy birthers and deathers), Fred Astaire was the kind of selfish, "I made all my money, so why should I give to the poor" Republican that makes my skin crawl. It was kind of sad to read, and even though that sort of thing shouldn't tarnish my love for his movies, it, um, kind of did.

Completely unrelated, but the Cinemax channels has been showing Xanadu lately! I don't understand why people say it's such a horrible movie. Maybe it's my feelings of childhood nostalgia, but I still love watching it AND the soundtrack is pretty awesome. But when I was a kid, I had no idea who Gene Kelly was, nor that An American In Paris would be one of my favorite movies when I was older. Speaking of which, I always get a kick whenever I see Nina Foch pop up on an episode of NCIS as Ducky's mother. She was so much fun on there! I'm taping an episode at 7 to watch this weekend ('The Meat Puzzle', if you're wondering), because I read that the scenes between her and Tony are hilarious.

Oh! The Encore Love Stories channel is going to show They Might Be Giants next week, Friday August 28th at 5:45 am. I wish my digital camera worked (needs new batteries) so I could show all of you the little sign I made and taped to my desk so I would remember to tape it. I've wanted to see this movie forever, mainly because I really, really love Joanne Woodward. Although tbh, besides "Birdhouse in Your Soul", "Snail Shell" and "The Guitar", I can't listen to the band of the same name without wanting to punch someone—HARD.

However, I LOVE the new Shakira song. It's rather disco-y isn't it?

Lastly, I ordered a pizza yesterday from this little place that we always order from, and I'm not sure if it's because I've been trying to tip better or what, but it was THE BEST PIZZA I'VE EVER HAD. The toppings were standard: Pepperoni, mushrooms and onions, but there was SO much on it. It was as though they put on triple the amount. I didn't weigh myself this morning, out of fear that the scale would start screaming at me though, especially since I topped it off with a half a pint of Americone Dream. Sigh.

Why has no one told me about the site Guyswithiphones.com? Must I learn everything in life from ONTD? REALLY, PEOPLE.

Actually, I only mention this because I was skimming backwards through the posts, wading through the ones related to Twilight/Harry Potter/etc. only to see this one: Michael Stipe on Guyswithiphones.com.

Why must everything I love or have loved in my life, be tainted with a thin layer of smut? Why? Although I love how someone first thought it was Tobias from Arrested Development. And if you go to the Stipe page on the site itself, someone commented, "Dad?"

The comments in the ONTD post are priceless, however, my favorite favorite favorite comment is this one: Jesus with an iPhone! Look how happy he is! With his iPhone! At least he's not naked though. I think I might have been really, really scarred for life if he was flashing it. Seriously.

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You know, Big Brother 11 started and I don't know why they brought back that steroid case Jessie. I hated his grotesque, obnoxiously gross body with its tiny peanut head last year, and I hate it even more this year. So much hate.
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Randomly, I wrote ninety pages of my novel, only to realize that I have to scrap the whole thing because I'm desperately unhappy with it, and I realized that, like...it's horrible. This SUCKS. What a waste of a month. I spent the whole day feeling completely depressed because of it.

Hey, look! Merriam-Webster added the word "Fanfiction" to the dictionary:

Fan fiction (1944): stories involving popular fictional characters that are written by fans and often posted on the Internet.

They also forgot to add: "Usually causes extreme cases of embarrassment when re-reading them on a whim, oh...eight, nine years later" (Oh my God, NINE YEARS AGO? Jesus Christ, I'm OLD. BTW, I turned 30 a few weeks ago, and wound up hiding my inner depression from everyone. I have to, or else everyone thinks something is wrong, and then everyone starts reading into it, and Christ, just leave me alone already Also, I've been checking for grey hairs every time I go to the bathroom. Sigh).

The other day, I received a group email from someone who told me they changed their email address. One problem. I have no idea who that person is. Like, their name looks familiar. I know I e-mailed them in the past, and I know it had to do with something related to classic movies, but I don't know who they are. Um, if you happen to be reading this? Could you, um, tell me what we discussed? I'm not trying to be rude, but my memory sucks.

Also, I have a Twitter, but the only thing I use it for is to follow other people. I've only updated it once, and that was only to make it appear less empty. And lo and behold, I get an email telling me that someone has added me as a friend. I know it's spam, but come on—at least add someone who updates their damn account!

I've been watching a lot of NCIS lately, mainly because there's nothing else on and USA seems to show daily marathons and that's fine, because it's a really enjoyable show (if you're into procedural shows like that, and you know, if I was really into it, I'd totally an Abby/McGee shipper). My only complaint is that they're skipping around, going from the earlier seasons to the later seasons and then back again. It's too much for my piddly, stupid brain to process, and then I have to go looking up on the internet for an episode guide, and then I somehow get sucked into reading each character page on Wikipedia, and before I know it, it's three in the morning and my eyes are bleeding. Christ, people. Do I know how to waste an entire day, or what?

For some bizarre reason, I've had the song "Panic On" by Madder Rose, stuck in my head for the last few weeks. I don't know why. I never really cared for the song when I was a teenager (it's from 1994), and all I hear over and over, on a repeating loop, is the damn chorus. Anyway, I found the entire album(!) the other night, while searching through the discographies on this music site that I belong to. And I have to say, it's a pretty good album, and with my taste in music (or at least considering the type of music I listened to in high school), I'm kind of surprised I didn't buy it when I was a teenager.

Oh get this: I never got my July 'Now Playing' guide from TCM, but I wound up getting the AUGUST Summer Under the Stars issue at the end of JUNE. What the hell? I called up and told them to credit my account with one extra month, but now I have to check the cable guide and the online schedule to see what's on, and you know what? It's a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. There are three, pre-code Mae Clarke (the woman who gets the grapefruit shoved in her face in "The Public Enemy") movies on tomorrow and I nearly missed them. And I would have bitched. Loudly. Goddamnit, it's really depressing to realize that you've become dependent on a program guide.

That's all.

You know, every time someone on the news says "Joe Jackson", I immediately think of this Joe Jackson, and think, "Ooh, I wonder what he did to make the 6 o'clock news....oh, nevermind."

My favorite part of the new Mark Sanford article today: During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he's trying to fall back in love with his wife.

If that was my husband, he would have been my ex-husband months ago. And he'd be missing his balls. But that's just me.

I hate that new commercial for Miracle Whip. Apparently, they're trying to make their crappy faux-mayonnaise/salad dressing/whatever into something cool! And hip! And edgy! Look at all the young hipsters who eat Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise! Down with the establishment! For God sake, it's just something you spread on your sandwich, and if you're using Miracle Whip instead of Mayo, you're probably a loser to begin with (people on my f-list excluded). It's really distressing to see, and upsets me almost as much as that stupid commercial they used to show for the squeezable bottle of mayo. For God's sake, use a fucking spatula to get the rest of it out, you lazy bastard.

But this commercial totally makes up for it, because like millions of Americans, I am a sucker for dogs in commercials, especially when there's French music in the background. And they're in LOVE. It's so adorable.

Random thing that kind of shocked me, and I'm not that easily shockable—just amused: WGRZ (Channel 2 in Buffalo) played an hour long infomercial on the "Homosexual Agenda" on Saturday night, basically telling everyone how wrong, immoral and terrible teh gays are, and how they're infecting America with their sins. I thought it was a joke at first, and then I kept watching it and...WOW. Just WOW. I can't even believe a network would allow something that ignorant to air, let alone take money to air it. I'm kind of glad I watch Channel 4 anyway, because the newscaster bantering on Channel 2 is pretty insipid to begin with. Seriously, it's like the newscasting team on Family Guy, only not as funny.

Speaking of infomercials, I saw that Mr. T was doing one for the NuWave oven. It was kind of depressing to see, but not as depressing as the one with Vicki Lawrence trying to shill some kind of countertop grill, while talking to her imaginary character from Mama's Family.

Also, the one for the new Magic Bullet food processor is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. The nachos look like someone barfed all over them, and the pepperoni comes shooting out like its on fire. Plus, the made the fat, stupid guy even stupider than before, AND he hogs the disgusting nachos all to himself, which leads me to scream, "They're not all for you, asshole!" at the tv at five in the morning. Anyway, I have the original Magic Bullet that my aunt bought me for the hell of it, and I can vouch that it's a piece of crap.

Oh, I watched Woman's World (1954) the other day, mainly because I love 50's-era Lauren Bacall. Remind me tell you about it.

What's up with that one song on the new Spoon EP? I think it's called "Tweakers" which automatically makes me think of crystal meth, and that song is as un-crystal meth-y as possible. I thought my goddamn iTunes was broken or that something was happening to my computer when I first played it, until I went to the "remix" which is the same thing, but longer and more aggravating.

Possibly my favorite headline from today: POLITICS CANCELED DUE TO JACKO’S DEMEROL OVERDOSE.

Which is completely true! Do you people know I sat through five minutes of Glenn Beck just to see if there was any, you know, actual political news going on? GLENN. FUCKING. BECK. Where I then watched him race two turtles on his desk, before throwing a Dove chocolate bar in front of one of them in order for them to move faster. I'm not sure who this reflects worse on, him or me, but I think it's the latter since I didn't have the good sense to just, oh, change the fucking channel.

The only good thing about MJ passing is that my music lists have been filled with downloads of his albums.

Ana Marie Cox is supposed to be guest hosting for Rachel Maddow tonight, which is pretty awesome and something I'm looking forward to, but I hope it's not preempted for more exterior footage of the LA Coroner's Office. Sigh.

( Vanity, a story in...um, one act? Or maybe two. I'm not sure. )

There was something else I was going to write about, but not surprisingly, I forgot. I think it had to do with something about ME! ME! ME!, but the mind fails—Oh! Now I remember. This afternoon, I made myself some boxed macaroni and cheese for the first time in years. Usually, I avoid the noodles they give you and use the Dreamfields ones instead, but I was feeling rebellious (and lazy), so I just made it according the box directions.

And it was good, until I dumped way too much hot sauce on it, and then promptly, got a terrible stomachache with a simultaneous migraine headache. So, uh, the lesson is: watch the amount of hot sauce you put on things. It can really ruin a decent meal.

Also, I haven't gotten my July Now Playing guide from TCM. I'm terribly upset, and I guess I should call them to let them know, so they can either credit me for another month or send me a replacement, that I should get by August. I mean, it's only June 26th, right? Right.

Today, while I was on my gazelle (which still squeaks like a SOB), I looked up at the ceiling and saw this HUGE BUG on the ceiling. I think it was a centipede, but I'm not sure, since I'm not in the business of shaking hands and introducing myself to random bugs that I see crawling above me as I sweat my ass off. So I had to get off the gazelle and get the damn bug zapper thingy that's supposed to incapacitate them and kill them on the spot.

Except that we have an old-timey popcorn ceiling, which means that the damn bug zapper doesn't lie flat against the ceiling, which meant I spent five minutes screaming my head off while holding said bug zapper against the ceiling. Finally, I grabbed a few tissues with my toes (while standing on the armrest of the couch), turned off the zapper and smooshed the bug between the metal tines. Thrilling, I know. Now I'm sitting here and checking the ceiling every five seconds, for fear some big ass centipede is going to crawl out of nowhere and fall on my head. Also, if there are any single gentlemen out ther reading this: I'M LIMBER (see above line about the tissues).

Also, I got deathly nauseous afterwards! I thought I was going to barf all over the place or pass out, but I didn't. So I learned two things: I think bugs hate the squeaking sound of my gazelle and 2. Drink more water before exercising.

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A few weeks back, I went insane and started scouting the house for loose change. In shoeboxes. In containers. In purses. (In times of grief, some people drink heavily or take copious amounts of pills and wash them down with booze. I look for change.) Anyway, I wound up finding enough money to purchase the Queer as Folk box set (I KNOW, right? That's a lot of money to find lying around the house, but I told myself it was an early birthday present for a birthday I'll probably spend in bed, with the covers thrown over my head), and even though I watched most of them on Logo, the unedited versions are so much better. But two things that have bothered me:

1. Ted and Emmett as the bestest friends that ever lived? So fucking adorable! Ted and Emmett as lovers? Creepier than hell. Half of the time, I was holding my hands over my eyes and going, "No no no no! This is so wrong on so many levels! Make it stop! STOP!"

2. It has completely cured me of finding gay sex to be incredibly hot. I'm so sick of seeing both Brian and Justin's pasty white asses either thrusting or being thrusted into. There was a time when I would have been standing under a cold shower 24-7 and now, my eyes just glaze over. SO disappointing.

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You know what I really want to do? Sit on the loveseat and eat an entire pint of Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream ice cream. And then finish it off with a bag of Ghirardelli peanut butter and chocolate squares. You know what I'm actually doing? Eating crappy carmel corn rice cakes. Fuck this.

Random: TCM released the schedule for this years Summer Under the Stars festival! The good news: An entire day of Fredric March movies!!!

The bad: I've seen them all. Sigh.

Also, I want new icons and a new layout. I don't know why, because I'm just getting too old for this shit, but I do.

Note to Crazy Asians who go insane (and I don't mean this lightly):

Please stop making us sane ones look like unbalanced whackjobs.

I cringe everytime I see someone of Asian decent going on a rampage. There are no words for it. I'm half Korean (from the SOUTH, not the North), so it just bugs me. Does Whitey have this problem when white people go on murder sprees? There's an old blog post Margaret Cho wrote after those shootings at VA Tech: There are no headlines calling him the “White shooter.” There is no mention of race because there is no thought in anyone’s mind that his race had anything to do with his crime. Which is 100% true.

And on another note: When I go places, the #1 thing people want to know about me was my heritage. They don't even know me and out of nowhere, someone will ask if I'm Filipino or Korean or Chinese. Hey, newsflash asshole: I don't go up to you and ask you if you're Irish or Swedish or whatever. I would never even FUCKING ASK. There was a woman at my dance class who automatically though that because I was Asian, I automatically knew how to speak Korean (which I don't. I grew up in a Polish family, and I have no connect with my heritage, besides my adoption papers, SO THERE.) Like, if I see you have an Irish last name, I'm not going to ask you if you're a drunk. I would never even THINK of doing something like that. The shape of my eyes does not give you license to ask me stupid shit. It's really offensive, and even though I should be used to it by now, I'm not. And no, I'm not ashamed of who I am, so don't go there with me. It's called Basic. Human. Decency. Some people may not care, but I do, because there's so much more to me than the shape of my eyes, and yet, that's all people focus on.

I think I have a lot of pent up rage this week, and it's manifesting itself in strange rants. Sorry.

Also, I've decided that Fox News is the news channel of choice for those who have just given up on sanity and reality. Of course, this is from someone who sits around and watches MSNBC all day, so yes, I'm biased.

I have spent the last half hour giggling over the dirty clips from Bill O'Reilly's audiobook, although I DID NOT and WILL NOT listen to the ones where he graphically talks about sex, and OH MY GOD, I JUST THREW UP ALL OVER THE PLACE.

There it nothing funnier than hearing "Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up" coming from the mouth of the world unsexiest man (and you know, that's a pretty unsexy phrase to begin with!) And this one: "Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds" sounds like he's reading it out of a breast self-exam manual. It's also really gross if you think about it too long, which clearly, I have!

O'Reilly sucks at reading his own words, but then O'Reilly just sucks in general. However, he doesn't even compared to the hilarious insanity that is Glenn Beck. What a nutjob! I can't believe we allow whackadoos like him to run around freely and spew the shit he sells.

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You know what I love about Wegman's? Besides the fact that they sell pretzel rolls? That I can buy my Chinese food there by the POUND. And this may sound incredibly uncultured, but I have never had Thai food. Is it any good? I've been curious to try the Thai food by the pound, but I don't know. Some of it looks really unappetizing, but I'd like to try it, just to say, "I've tried it and it sucks." Or "I've tried it and it's really good."

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For Lent, I wound up giving up chocolate, baked goods, desserts and ice cream. And you know what? Right now, I would fucking kill someone for a cupcake. I have no idea where this is coming from, but I really want a chocolate cupcake with vanilla frosting. And I've wanted this for the past, oh MONTH.

On the plus side, I've eaten more fruit, yogurt and diet Jello than I ever thought humanly possible. Jesus, I'm going to look like a cup of yogurt by the time Lent is over.

I also drink a lot of coffee in lieu of the giving up sweets thing as well, since I make my coffee super strong, with a lot of sugar and cream. It's a passable substitute. I'm on my third huge cup this afternoon and I'm ready to jump through a window, I'm so wound up.