I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever get sick of the Snuggie commercial. EVER. Every time I see that overexuberant actor, raising the roof and doing the cabbage patch, my heart fills with joy. Really. May the airwaves never take that commercial off the air. It's even better than Vince with Slap Chop, or the Disco Inferno/Celusius diet drink hybrid. Although, I'm thinking about calling SPCA every time I see that poor dog in his pet-sized Snuggie. Animal abuse!

My aunt bought me a fake Snuggie (a fuggie?) at the Christmas Tree Store (I have no idea what that place is, except they sell a lot of crappy, overpriced holiday crap), and honestly? I hate it. It's just uncomfortable and weird, and since I'm one of those people whose back and neck are always cold, it doesn't do me any good. Although I saw a new "updated" version on QVC one day, and now, they have pockets sewn in for your feet! I can only imagine some asshole, getting up and falling flat on their face, because they forgot their Snuggie has a foot pouch (insert Nelson, "HA HA!", laugh here).

Speaking of QVC, I am deeply disappointed that David V. only wears black pants now! Shame on him, although I'm guessing QVC probably got some FCC complaints every time he wore his khaki ones, and now, black pants are mandatory. What a shame.

Hey! Did you know Canada Dry makes Diet Cranberry Ginger Ale for the holidays? Because they SO do. Too bad it's one of those seasonal flavors, like when Diet 7Up made Pomegranate last year (I think it was last year). That stuff was fantastic.

I don't care what anyone says: Ghirardelli brownie mix is the MOST AMAZING BAKING MIX THE WORLD HAS EVER OFFERED. Pillsbury Funfetti mix can go fuck off. Wegmans had them on sale last week, and I bought like six boxes. Now I'm thinking about going back and buying a whole cartful, before the sales ends. And they come in like, five different flavors! Walnut, Dark Chocolate, Carmel Turtle, regular, Chocolate Fudge and Double Chocolate. I've tried them all, and I don't know which one is my favorite.

This is exactly why I hate Christmas. I hate the holiday, but I love the food that comes along with it. It gives me an excuse to eat desserts with regular sugar, instead of poisoning my body with Splenda. I won't get a H1N1 flu shot, for fear it will screw up my body down the line, but I'll gladly heap four tablespoons of fake sugar into my coffee or tea.

Hoarders is on tonight! Which means, that I'll watch the show and then spend the remainder of my night, cleaning the house and scrubbing the bathroom until my nails crack and my fingers bleed. I seriously feel bad for some of the people they show, like the lady who insisted on eating yogurt that was a year old, and then pawed through a rotting pumpkin for its seeds. Of course, I accidently drank a glass of soured milk once, thinking it was the taste of the instant cappucino mix I threw in, but, uh...I was wrong. Still, I love throwing things away, to make room for new stuff.

I've been thinking about throwing away all my Babysitter's Club/Sweet Valley books. I don't know why I still have them, and in fact, I forgot all about them until I was cleaning a few weeks ago, and found FOUR HUGE BOXES OF THEM. I'm never going to read them again, but I feel like a small part of my childhood will be thrown out with them. Those books were my childhood, since I preferred reading to socializing. Really, nothing's changed. I'm 30 years old, and I'd rather sit around and listen to music or read then socialize. It's a little scary to know that.

I've been hearing good things about this season of Parks and Recreation. If anyone watches it, is it any better than last season? I couldn't even make it past the pilot episode, but now everyone is saying how amazing it is. And I hate being left out of something that's "amazing".

The more I watch repeats of My Name is Earl, the more I realize that I want to become Joy. The hair. The crappy decorations in her hair. The loud mouth. The contempt for basic human decency. She's just SO fantastic!

Also, I broke down and re-paid for this account, mainly because I missed using a lot of my icons, like this self-made Barbara Stanwyck one. And I got to change the layout of my journal, which is all argyle now (!), and God knows I love argyle.

OMG Y'ALL! GSN is showing I've Got a Secret at 3:30! Why has no one told me about this? My favorite 50's/60's era panel show. And Henry Morgan, people! Henry!

This might sound fairly lame to some people, but screw them.

Edit: Awww, they're only being shown for two weeks. I guess its for the holiday, or something, and then Password resumes. But at least I haven't seen this episode. And it's hosted by Garry Moore, and not Steve Allen, which is great, because the SA episodes make me want to shove my fist through the screen. I have anger issues, what can I say?

It's Christmas time, and you know what that means. Those goddamn PajamaGram commercials are infiltrating the airwaves. Every year! I hate those, especially when the announcer says, "And we have all that spa stuff women love!" IT'S SO PATRONIZING. AND BIMBO-ISH. STOP THAT.

And I hate that commercial for Prilosec or whatever acid reflux medicine that shows if you use their product, you snag a husband. And if you don't, not only will you be single for the rest of your life, but you'll probably die alone and childless, with crippling heartburn to boot.

I spent the whole day steaming and then hanging new curtains and sheers in the living room. They look wonderful, but you know what? This whole Stepford Wife thing isn't for me. I love cooking, but this cleaning stuff is for the birds. I don't like getting dirty, I hate getting dusty and I hate the smell of Lemon Pledge. And not only am I tired, but my legs and feet hurt too. This SUCKS.

In other fun news, Community? Was AWESOME. Every holiday show should end with an epic brawl that includes a mustache-wearing, cast member from The Breakfast Club.

1. Watching Rachel Maddow verbally eviscerate that "hug the gay away!" whackjob was so. fucking. awesome. That's the kind of smackdown I could watch every single night. Seriously, what a fucking kook. And "hugging the gay away" is a great excuse to fondle some poor, guilt ridden sucker, before sucking all the money out of his wallet.

2. Cookbook PSA: the "Hungry Girl: 200 Recipes Under 200 Calories" book is the biggest piece of shit "cookbook" (and I use that term loosely) I have ever read in my life. There is a whole chapter on HOW TO USE FAT FREE COOL WHIP. What is this fuckery? Sandra Lee? One of the recipes consists of dolloping cool whip on six mini rice cakes, and then sprinkling almonds on top. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? REALLY? Then, there's a recipe for "mousse" that's just a pudding cup mixed with Cool Whip. For God's sake, I've been doing that since I was a kid! Where's my book deal? What fucking crap. I don't know what I was expecting, but this? Was not it. Way too much processed stuff, way too much canned pumpkin filling and way too much Fiber One cereal. If I wanted to eat the latter, I'd have it for breakfast and not choose to coat my chicken with it.

However, the America's Test Kitchen "Best..." series of cookbooks are AMAZING. In the past two weeks, I've made Paella, Chicken Picatta, Pad Thai, Pasta e Fagoli soup, Penne with Cannellini Beans and Arugula, and Chicken Fricassee. Now that's what I expect from a cookbook. Actual recipes that involve real ingredients! And I love reading them just for the hell of it, because the introductions for each recipe are so detailed. Like, if you watch the PBS show, you know what a stickler they are for the proper techniques, and the books are a fantastic read. There are some things I'd never make (like crispy tofu strips), but still! Lots of fun to read about.

I love cooking in the fall and winter (the summer, not so much for obvious reasons). I'm even thinking about making some homemade cinnamon raisin bread in my food processor, you know, for the holidays. I didn't make any last year, because I was too lazy and busy with other trivial pursuits, but this year? Yeah, I kinda want to.

3. Perfume Alert (because I'm sure you're all dying to know): My favorite out of the entire Sephora sampler was Prada Infusion D'Iris, followed by Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue, and then Pucci Acqua 330. I don't know which one I'm going to get for "free" (since I paid $50 for the sampler, I don't think you can really say that it's "free"), but I've realized that I veer towards scents that are labeled as "clean" and "fresh". Basically, I just like perfumes that don't give me a migraine within two seconds of spraying them on. I'm getting a headache just thinking about some (Pink Sugar and Viva Hollywood—way, way too strong and gaggy for my sensitive nose. Scents like that are the reasons why I stopped wearing perfume in the first place, and just started relying on my scented body lotion).

4. Better Off Ted was completely awesome tonight. I had no idea the first season was out on dvd, and now I totally want it, since I missed a few of the episodes that ABC showed in June, and never announced, those bastards.

5. I've had "Bad Romance" stuck in my head for the past week. It's such a catchy song. I have no idea what Lady Gaga is chanting at the beginning, but I don't care. It's just fun to sing. On an unrelated note, ELO was a pretty awesome band. I've had a bunch of their songs stuck in my head ever since getting the 'Flashback' box set. Thanks Amazon, for your needless "50% off, Black Friday" sales!

6. Cleaned my closet out the other day and found three pairs of practically brand new boots that I wore probably once. I'm so excited to go out and wear them now! Boots never go out of style, and the ones I found are super cute. I love finding stuff that I never expected, although discovering that I saved all my old uniforms from my first job as a dietary wench? Wow. That was a trip down memory lane I never wanted to revisit.

Speaking of keeping old crap that I'll never use again, Hoarders on A&E started their second season last week. I don't know whether to be amazed or vomit at what they show. Seriously, a foot of poop-encrusted diapers stacked up in her bathroom? Oh my God. That poor woman.